Can I ask you a question?

10 Apr

Who am I?

What am I doing?

What should I be doing?

Am I missing out on something?

I have asked myself these questions, and many more, as I travel through life.  At times, I’ve thought I had them answered only to find myself back at square one.  My need for guarantees and control in life has left me constantly searching for answers.  And filled with anxiety.

I’ve poured over books and blogs.  I’ve taken every personality, skills and strengths test I could get my hands on.  I’ve pestered my husband, family and friends to talk about work, love and life until they could take no more.  If I’m being honest, I’ve mostly pestered them to listen to me talk about these things.

Where has all this questioning taken me?  Well, exactly to where I need to be at this very moment.

It has finally occurred to me that where I need to be is wherever I am at any given moment.  Doing whatever I am doing.  And in just a little while, I’ll likely being doing something else, somewhere else.

The key for me is to focus on being present in the moment and not getting swallowed up by the anxiety of “what if”.

In no way do I mean to suggest that I have somehow found the answers to all my questions. Quite the contrary.  I’ve simply learned to enjoy the journey a little more.  And to really enjoy the moments when I am:

  • laughing and being silly with my husband and family who accept me just as I am
  • deeply contemplating the tough and tricky issues of life with friends until too late in the morning, over too many glasses of wine.  That, and gossiping about our latest pop culture obsessions
  • engaged in challenging work that encourages me to learn and grow
  • taking the time to slow down, breathe and hit my yoga mat when that challenging work starts to take over
  • telling a story

The last one is what brings me to this new venture.  Perhaps, by telling my story of questioning, struggling, being inspired and accepting, here in this blog, I will restore the sanity of those who have patiently listened to me all these years.

All my love and gratitude to those who have listened.  You know who you are. 🙂

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6 Responses to “Can I ask you a question?”

  1. Sheila Collins April 10, 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    Wow, just reading your blog made me feel more peaceful and satisfied. Thanks for sharing it Sarah. You are a brave woman.

  2. Sarah April 10, 2011 at 6:42 pm #

    Oh, thank you so much. It felt good to write it, but a little scary to post it.

  3. Emily Mraz April 11, 2011 at 1:58 am #

    This is very inspiring, Sarah… One mark of a good writer is to make what you’re saying about yourself relatable to your audience, no matter who they are or what their experience. I think there are probably lots of people out there who totally smiled and nodded throughout reading this- way to go! Can’t wait to read more.

    • Sarah April 12, 2011 at 1:33 am #

      Thanks Emily. I’m always thankful for your encouragement and support.

  4. Stephanie April 13, 2011 at 2:08 am #

    Wow! Very well said. I think knowing that balance is needed is almost as difficult as achieving the balance. I, too, have struggled to find the right mixture of wife, mother, friend, teacher, daughter, and sister. I have recently added runner to my list as I train for my first half marathon which again leads me to finding the balance. I will say, that in my quest to be great at everything, I have learned to focus on one thing at time and be okay with where I am in my pursuit of greatness.

    • Sarah April 13, 2011 at 2:17 am #

      Absolutely Steph. One thing at a time. One day at a time.

      Good luck with the training. I’m in awe. 🙂

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